Michelle: Unlike Shakespeare’s tragic love story, Daniel, who is in a two-year relationship with Nadine, thinks that while they’re doing generally okay, they seem not to connect well. He said there is no spark in their conversations. Daniel shared that they both have stable jobs in a bank, they’re both in their mid-20s and Nadine is pretty. His dilemma is that if he will let Nadine go, she will likely find a replacement because she has a lot of suitors. Alas, Daniel, I think the problem is with you. What do you want in your relationship and what have you done to try to improve it?
DJ: It’s smart for Daniel to think things over instead of just going with the flow like a lifeless shrimp. At least he’s wise enough to realize that while he can’t buy love, he can pay heavily for it. Choosing a lifetime partner isn’t only Daniel’s but also Nadine’s joy or pain. I suggest that he set aside worrying about the number of guys on queue for Nadine’s affection and focus more on whether they’re happy together.
M: I think it is selfish to think that if he let Nadine go, she will not find his replacement from among her many suitors. It’s up to her. But before he ends a two-year relationship for lack of “sparkling” conversation, may I suggest that he really think what his essentials in a relationship are. My late dad had a corny but I think valid advice about the importance of communication in a relationship. He said that it’s important to talk but if talking does not work, try touching! “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” a 1995 book by Gary Chapman, outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages”: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
DJ: It seems like Nadine is attractive but this is not enough for Daniel. Of course a relationship is not just about an itch that needs scratching. Why is there a lack in spark? Do they know each other enough? Missing important dates or even favorite picks are considered to be relationship irritants. Do they share a common interest? But at least they understand each other’s sense of humor. And lastly, do they spend enough time together? Yes they work in the same bank but they obviously can’t effectively connect if they’re emotionally distant from each other. In a recent study involving 2,201 respondents regarding essential romantic relationship competencies, communication remains to be at the top. But conflict resolution, knowledge of partners and romance are almost as essential for a relationship to stay hot.
M: According to Dr. Chapman, we have to determine and discover our own love language by asking ourselves these questions: How do I express love to others? What do I complain about the most? What do I request most often? Relationships need a lot of work and commitment. Daniel, your relationship or your conversations might not have the spark today but if you so decide to make your relationship work, initiate and make the spark.
DJ: Think, discern and seek the thoughts of people whose opinion you trust. Love can’t solve your problems but it will all be worth it if you’re the right Daniel for the right Nadine. Don’t just settle. Settle down wisely!