THIS past week, I had a revelation. It was something that I did not expect. Oh boy was I totally taken aback. I was rather ashamed of myself too. Couldn’t get over the thought!
Honestly, it really bothered me for quite some time. Such an ugly thing for me to think. But I thought, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes we feel threatened by self-realizations that, to our own opinion, are so unlike us and this was what I had to grapple with recently.
I was at a mall with some friends in Manila a few days ago. We had just watched a movie and were deciding where to eat when two young women holding hands went past me. In that brief, quiet moment of crossing paths with complete strangers, a rather explosive realization on my part revealed itself to me. As I watched them, I had passing thought completely took me by surprise.
Are they together?
Geez. How could I be so judgmental to have wondered what their relationship was? I never thought that I would ever think of such. It never crossed my mind..not until that moment. And I did not know how to feel exactly.
I found myself thinking back to the time when I was about 18 years old, visiting my best friend Cathy, in the United States. We had not seen each other for 4 years and my visit was a reunion and catching up rolled into one. We did things just like the old times, giggling and sharing stories.
We went malling holding hands just the way we did as kids. Then she told me that in the States, (girl) friends do not hold hands. I remember being surprised and asking why. Apparently, such a gesture meant that you were in a relationship, it meant that you were a couple.
“That’s ridiculous!” We both laughed and agreed that Filipino culture will beg to disagree, definitely! It is just how things are between friends, it is sisterhood and no such color should be cast on such an innocent gesture! At that time both of us really found it absurd that Western thinking could be so judgmental. Talk about weird thinking!
But now here I was, thinking these two women had a “relationship” just because they were holding hands? What the heck happened to me? Has Western culture seeped in too deep that our preconceived notions have changed? How could I think that way now? What happened to me?
It probably comes from the degree of openness to new ideas and the acceptance of new norms that has led to this. As we grow older and wiser (I hope), our set of beliefs evolve. As we see more of the world and as we witness differences in culture, our perceptions change.
Did it bother me that same sex relationships are more out in the open than during my time? Not really. But it did bother me that something as innocent as what could just be two girl best friends holding hands, has now been challenged by that thought (mine) that they could be more than friends. I have to admit that my realization was a bit unsettling at first (because I really try not to pass judgment on anyone). And yet as I tried to dissect the anatomy of my newly discovered perception of things, I realized that thoughts can shift with the changing times. It simply is a new reality. Everything that changes around us can change the way we think and and see things. It can change our perspective on things and even beliefs that we hold true.
Should we be scared that the changing times can change us? It can feel disconcerting yes. Still we have to believe that we are capable of living with the changes that life can throw at us, no matter what it may be. As long as you are not stepping on anyone’s toes or trampling on their rights to live their lives as they wish without hurting anybody, things will be okay.
After all, it depends on how we accept it and deal with it. It depends on how strongly we are able to hold on to our basic core values. It depends on how much we allow it to influence us. Really, it is up to us. For as long as we uphold what right and humane, we will be okay. As long as we learn how to respect other people’s beliefs and rights, we will all be okay. As long as we realize the importance of peaceful coexistence, then the world will never become too small for all of us to live in.
Happy Sunday Everyone! :)
