Michelle: A friend recently confided that she and her partner have broken up. The complexities of being single again are haunting her and it is not just the emotional distress. They have a business and properties in their name but they don’t want to split it just yet. How do they continue to work together but keep their personal relationship separate? It is difficult to end but not really end things. Since her partner has found a new significant another, my friend bluntly asked me if she could still find love. Added to her anxieties are her insecurities of being alone and unloved.
DJ: We all have some insecurity one way or the other. What’s important is how we deal with them. Insecurities often stem from a poor belief of who one is. It may be due to past pain and rejection. This is like a lens by which we view our life and everything and everyone in it. It sometimes takes years to build insecurities up. And it’s likely that they will not just disappear in a flash like magic. What I can suggest to your friend for now is to start dealing with her insecurities because that’s the part she has the most control of. A healthy relationship starts with a healthy self. She should own the process, and be more accepting of what she’s given. And if there’s something she needs to strive for, it’s not because she’s inadequate or unworthy.
M: Moving on is hard to do after letting go. There’s the inevitable analysis paralysis for some—over-analyzing the situation after it has happened. There are regrets, justifications and even guilt for others. Admitting one’s insecurities is not a sign of weakness. Being honest with ourselves even if it hurts to admit what we really are or are not, indicates a certain level of maturity. There are those who leave the relationship hanging while they try to figure out their lives. And the statement “it’s not you, it’s me,” is frankly an overused and abused line employed by indecisive, spineless individuals who just want an easy way out of a committed relationship.
DJ: Endings can be the start of better beginnings. Women sometimes try to romanticize things, remain hopeful and hold on even if they know that things are not getting better. Sometimes, women continue to pin their hopes on the one they love even if they know that it is more painful to keep on keeping on. Life moves on for all us. But for some, at a faster pace than others. We have to learn to let go. We have to forgive and forget. And if it’s difficult to forget for now, don’t struggle. Go through it. When you’re done struggling with the past, you will just come to realize that you’ve moved on.