Michelle: Maricris is a successful marketing manager who is engaged to a successful banker. He wants her to quit work once they’re married. She feels a part of her will be hollow if she does that. What is she to do? With the limited information Maricris gave us, I can only surmise that her fiancé has reasons of his own which we do not know. I suggest she sit down with him and ask him why he wants her to quit work when he obviously knows that she loves what she does.
DJ: It’s a way more complex question that begs for a succinct answer. I assume her fiancé’s work can already provide for her and their future family’s needs and wants. Marriage is a partnership. It’s about making a decision together that brings out the best in each other. While it’s cool that she considers her fiancé’s request, it also doesn’t mean he has the only say even on matters that are essential to her. If she decides to quit her successful career and stay at home, it must be a choice that will not eventually leave her hollow, unfulfilled, bored or even depressed. She needs to be a whole person for her to successfully fulfill her duties as wife and mother.
M: It is totally understandable why Maricris would feel that way. Not all women want to stay at home and many also want to have their own careers. It’s not bad at all to want something for yourself, to accomplish certain goals and also to be financially independent. Honestly, I think it is difficult to be a stay-at-home wife. That is why I really disprove the term “simple housewife.” There is nothing simple about managing a home. To balance family life and work is challenging and hopefully, there is a way to make it work.
DJ: I agree, Maricris needs to ask and understand what his reasons are. Then she takes a step back and asks herself why she wants a career. Is it about financial independence? Or is it about her identity and her need to live a life that’s more meaningful to her? Will keeping her job weigh more than his reasons for him to ask her to quit? It matters that she keeps her mind open while being upfront and honest about what she thinks and feels regarding the whole matter.
M: There are many instances that a woman wants to stay at home but has to work to be able to help in the family’s finances. Be open-minded. Does he have an excellent point or is he just being fearful or maybe even jealous? Try to overcome his objections with a solution or plan he hasn’t thought of that will eliminate his concern. Highlight the benefits and let your husband know what your motivation is as well. Try to seek a compromise. No matter what decision the two of you agree on, keeping the communication open will ultimately help not just resolve the issue at hand but also clarify other underlying concerns.
DJ: People will have their opinion about the matter. But ultimately, it will be Maricris and her fiancé who will live through such decision. Thus, it is a choice they both will have to make and commit to. Loving someone means you want him to be happy. Staying at home or continuing with her successful career is a pick that should make both Maricris and her fiancé happy.