DJ: Men need space. But there comes a time we also need to share space. This is applicable for newly attached singles, especially if they weren’t in a relationship for quite some time.
Part of coping after a failed relationship is to make the most of the freedom and to do things one missed while being in one. But engaging in a relationship, or in for those who are married, sharing one’s life with someone, will once again require sharing what once was an almost infinite space with another person. And this may just be a challenge at the start of a new relationship.
Michelle: I lived on my own for five years while studying law in Manila. Though I had to make major adjustments—moving to another city, leaving the comforts of home and sharing a bathroom with other boarders, I didn’t find the changes so hard because I had the room all to myself. When you live with someone you have to learn how to compromise and cooperate. If single life afforded me the freedom to do what I wanted, being married made me aware of being selfless and considerate of the needs of the other person. This is not to say that singles are selfish, but when there’s someone else that one has to take into account, one learns to die to one’s preferences.
DJ: I also think when people decide to go in a relationship, they give up their right to decide just for themselves. Personally, I find this a bit difficult. I have been raised to be independent. It’s cool to be unattached. You make career decisions, even a transfer, without having to consider anyone but yourself.
But when you approach a forked road, you have no option to take a back seat and ride along. And times are hard these days.
Being single or being attached is an advantage or a disadvantage, still, depending on how one looks at it.
M: Sharing space is not just living together under one roof. It means learning to deal with another person’s idiosyncrasies and understanding his or her needs. It means learning to accept, to love unconditionally, to respect, to honor one’s commitments and to be faithful in fulfilling all the duties of one’s state of life.
Married life is not a bed of roses but if one learns even when he or she is still single all the virtues that make for a good husband or wife, sharing space will not be an agony in the garden.
DJ: There are always two sides to a coin. When you have some space just for yourself, you can always have this hassle-free, drop-in-whenever kind of attitude. When you share space with another, there’s always a person to spend time with at the end of each day. There is no rush to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. There is no wisdom too in missing the opportunity to be with someone special, all because of one’s inability to see beyond one’s self. Even if we share space with someone or we have it all for our self, the ultimate difference is in how we make the most of whatever we have, right where we are. Besides, whether we end up with someone or we live on our own, we still can choose to have a smile as wide as a half moon! The important thing is we never lose sight of what is already in front of us.